You Don't Know What I'm Going Through
by thegraceler
Summary: "He's Gone. Forever" Shy freshmen Ciel Phantomhive meets the schools most popular student, Alois Trancy. He's smitten with his blonde hair, and blue eyes. They fall in love, but things that fall always break. Sickness can tear people apart. The stress, the pain. How can Ciel cope with watching the one he loves die. Sometimes hearts don't mend, sometimes they stay broken.
1. Chapter 1

This is awful. Since when is it so cold? I hunch my shoulders, trying to keep in the warmth while the bitter wind blows in my face. My hair is all tangled and knotted; I just know it's going to hurt when I brush it out.

My sweater is too thin for this type of weather. I don't remember it ever being this windy in November. I shouldn't have left my coat at home. Maybe there's a storm coming. My fingers are numb and turning blue. My teeth chatter. I hurry down the street, trying to get home. I know that there will be something warm to eat when I get home, and right now I need it. Meyrin knows how I like my tea anyway. My head is down, looking at my black converse, when all of a sudden I walk into a hard wall.

I stumble backwards, and trip, landing on the concrete.

"Jeez, watch where you're going!" I say to the wall while picking myself up off the ground. I brush off the dirt from my pants, and look up, to find myself staring back into brilliant teal eyes. They seem to glow in comparison to the bleak grey sky above. They're hypnotizing, beautiful.

"Oh... Uh, sorry. My bad" I mumble, fiddling with my fingers. I tuck my wayward hair behind my ears, and push it out of my face. I must look like a complete idiot. I look up again at him, and find him staring at me. God he's gorgeous, with his blonde hair and tall body. Why am I still standing here? "Uhhmm... I'm Ciel. Ciel Phantomhive. Sorry about running into you." I tell him, my voice quiet. He looks confused, his brows are knit together, and his lips are turned down into a frown.

"Oh, no. It was my fault. Don't mention it..." he trails off, like he's trying to figure out a problem.

"Well, I better be off. I'll see y-"

"Do I know you?" he cuts me off. What? Does he know me? Because I certainly don't know him. But something about him reminds me of someone.

"Uhhmm, no. I don't think so." I stammer. He looks intently at my face.

"Yes. Yes I do. You go to Saint Edward High School, don't you? You're freshmen?" he asks me. His voice sounds familiar...

I swallow hard, and realize who this is. It's Alois Trancy, a senior at Saint Edward. I've never seen him this close before. He usually wears sunglasses during school, most people think it's because he's high all the time. Others say that he has a rare eye condition. My eyes widen at the realization, and I take a cautious step back.

"Yea, I go there. Don't you?" I ask, trying to hide the fact that I recognize him. Maybe he won't suspect anything.

"Yep. Alois Trancy. Don't you have a jacket?" he asks me, looking at my blue fingers and lips. I'm shivering in the wind. I would have been home by now if I hadn't been distracted. Now I'm standing in front of one of the most popular seniors in school, shivering in the cold. I don't need anybody's pity.

"No, actually I don't." I answer my voice harsh and bitter. I wrap my sweater tighter around my thin body. Before I can tell him I'm alright, he's slipping off his own coat, and handing it to me.

"Here. You need it more than I do right now." He places it in my hands, and I pull it on. It encases my body with heat, the warm leather soft against my skin. I don't feel the wind biting me anymore. Why would he give me his jacket?

"I can't take this" I say, but even to myself my voice is unconvincing. He can probably see how much I'm enjoying the heat.

"Nah, it's all good. Trust me, I'll be fine." He doesn't look cold; his hoody is thick, with the Saint Edward logo on it. He's staring at me again. Like he's memorizing my face.

"I'll see you around, yea?" he says, and turns. I catch his eye, and I think I may be imagining things. I think he might have winked at me. WINKED. At me. I don't reply. He walks down the street, and waves goodbye, then turns the corner. He left me, standing on the street, alone, dumbfounded. I start walking down the street again, my mind whirling.

What was that?

My mind is still blank when I reach my house. The key slips into the slot easily, and I turn it. My feet carry me up to my room, and I land on my bed. It squeaks at the harsh landing of my body. His jacket is still around me, and I hug it closer. It smells like peppermints. I'm still confused on why he would give me his jacket, but right now I'm not complaining. He's not the type of guy who does kind things. I've heard he beat up a kid for hitting on his sister Hanna. So why would he let a scrawny timid freshmen like me go?

I lay on my bed, relaxing after school. I'm so glad tomorrow is Friday; I won't have to do anything. Having rich parents does have its advantages.

The lights flicker for a second, then return back to normal. There must be a storm coming after all. I hope the power doesn't go out; I need to finish my paper on morals. It's due tomorrow, and I don't think Mr. Roy will take it late. I get up from bed, place the jacket carefully under my pillow, and head downstairs.

Meyrin is waiting for me in the kitchen, my tea prepared. She has also laid out a bowl of apple pie for a snack.

"Good afternoon Mister Ciel. How was your day?" she asks me. I shrug, and sit up at the island.

"Alright I guess. I didn't bring a jacket, and it was very cold outside. I was shivering all the way home." I tell her, which isn't exactly true. I don't mention meeting Alois, because she doesn't need to know that. I eat my apple pie quickly, the sweet fruity taste enveloping my mouth.

"I think there might be a storm coming." she notes, while cleaning up my dishes. So I was right. Better finish the paper now then.

"I have to go finish some homework. Thank you for the tea." I say, bringing the cup and saucer upstairs with me. I grab the laptop from my desk, and sit on my bed, drinking tea.

I finish my paper, but not after having a hard time focusing. All I could think about was his bright blue eyes, looking at me.


	2. AUTHORS NOTE - PLEASE READ

Hello there. I'm planning to continue writing this, but it won't be for a little bit. I'm in the process of writing another fic right now, and I would love it if you would go check it out. I currently have two fanfics I'm writing, one of which is on here. So i do write stuff, its just not been put up here yet. i will try to update very soon. Thank you for those who read it. :)

My other fic is called You're Lying.

**It's been eight years since their death. Eight years of being alone. Or has he been? Sebastian tells ****Ciel ****the story about how how his mother made a contract with him. He took her soul, but not before she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy; his son. Sebastian is ****Ciels ****father, and has been watching over him this whole time. But when ****Ciel ****reacts badly, Sebastian does the unthinkable.**

You can find it on my profile. Please read it, you won't regret it. I hope you do.

Thanks :)

xoxo

thegraceler


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